~Marketing Person
"I'd like to take three of those and just put them together...to make one uber Bacon."
~Roomie
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
More Quotes!
"Titles can suck, and make marketing difficult. Like Superbad. That title meant nothing, it might as well have been called My Left Ass Cheek."
Friday, March 28, 2008
Sophia and Blanch Go to Another Bar
Continuing with Sophia and Blanch's exploits in bar, the same group from the previous post, minus Adam, went to Cabo's Cantina in Santa Monica. Drinks and food, nummy goodness.
Now, I don't normally go for the 'dumb blonde' stereotype, but I'm starting to reconsider the 'dumb blonde Californian' stereotype (that applies to both girls and boys, btw). We order food and drinks and every thing's awesome, except Sophia's toquitos ended up in her purse. But we were really cool about it, the serving guy went and got her new ones AND gave her purse a rather through cleaning. Plus, it's just too much effort to get mad about something minor. But we're doing good, except our waitress disappears. Well, not so much disappears as just ignores us. We had to flag her down to get another round of drinks, and then to get our check. And I mean, laid in wait to find her.
So she FINALLY brought us our check. Three cheers for that ordeal. At that point, I'm pretty much settled on a 10% tip for the non-service. So basically what happens is we all turned in our checks with tip included, but you can't actually charge more than the worth of the bill, so Sophia and Thibault's checks were less than ours; they just picked up what we would have paid in tips and it all evened out. We all paid 10%, which was $8. Well, on my check I wrote 'cash' on the tip line. So we're all almost ready to go when blond bimbo walks up with our bills (amazingly enough, when there's money on the line she's on top of things and we don't have to send out a search party).
BB: Thanks guys, thanks for everything!
So yeah, Blanch and Sophia are officially done and not feeling guilty about that whole incident.
Now, I don't normally go for the 'dumb blonde' stereotype, but I'm starting to reconsider the 'dumb blonde Californian' stereotype (that applies to both girls and boys, btw). We order food and drinks and every thing's awesome, except Sophia's toquitos ended up in her purse. But we were really cool about it, the serving guy went and got her new ones AND gave her purse a rather through cleaning. Plus, it's just too much effort to get mad about something minor. But we're doing good, except our waitress disappears. Well, not so much disappears as just ignores us. We had to flag her down to get another round of drinks, and then to get our check. And I mean, laid in wait to find her.
So she FINALLY brought us our check. Three cheers for that ordeal. At that point, I'm pretty much settled on a 10% tip for the non-service. So basically what happens is we all turned in our checks with tip included, but you can't actually charge more than the worth of the bill, so Sophia and Thibault's checks were less than ours; they just picked up what we would have paid in tips and it all evened out. We all paid 10%, which was $8. Well, on my check I wrote 'cash' on the tip line. So we're all almost ready to go when blond bimbo walks up with our bills (amazingly enough, when there's money on the line she's on top of things and we don't have to send out a search party).
Blonde Bimbo: So, I just wanted to check with you guys, you're leaving 8 dollars on 80?So we finally escape. I was actually considering leaving a little more of a tip, because I'd have felt a little bad despite the uber bad service, but that pretty much clenched it. No extra for you, you actually don't really deserve 10% after that. So we're waiting in the line for Thibault to get his car, when I see over everyone's shoulder our waitress walk up into the door.
Us: ...
BB: Because I can only put the cost of the bill through the machine, and your total was more than that. So...8 on 80? (We're apparently ignoring the fact that the total of the was STILL a 10% tip.)
US: Yeah, we know. We'd added tips to our total, but we took care of it by having those two add our tips to their bills.
BB: No, what I'm saying is that I couldn't add the full amount you wanted to pay on this, and this is 8 on 80.
Me: Yes, we know, I'm paying my tip in cash, it says so on the tip line. (Blatant lie, but I wanted her to GO AWAY.)
BB: Right, but this is 8 on 80. Is that what you meant to do?
Me: Yes. We know exactly what we did, thanks.
BB: ...OK.
BB: Thanks guys, thanks for everything!
So yeah, Blanch and Sophia are officially done and not feeling guilty about that whole incident.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Sophia and Blanch Go to a Bar
It's spring break, my friends Jon (of college) and Thibault (of Paris host family) are in town. So we had a great time wandering around Santa Monica and Venice. We walked along the canals, the Venice pier and of course the beach. I also introduced Jon to the wonders of In-N-Out Burgers. So after we meet up with Thibault at Venice, we stop for some food and a drink at this beach side restaurant, then decide to go out. We end up at this hole-in-the-wall bar that doesn't even have a sign out front. My friends Adam and Allison also show up.
It's just your average night out...UNTIL.
Allison is special. She had guys lining up to talk to her. Literally. When one guy vacates, another is right there to fill in. So after guy number two, this Polish guy starts chatting her up. I see him touching her rather...friendly, and step in to talk to her. The guy starts grabbing her around the waist and sort of goosing her. Not classy (though still mostly innocent). Then his short, really drunk friend shows up. He talks to Allison for a while, who introduces herself as...Allison. Well, you may wonder why I'm making a point of saying that. It's because he starts calling her Sophie/Sophia. No idea where that one came from. But I know that he's just...doing it. For no reason. So when his friend makes it apparent that Allison is his, he moves on to me.
The guy pops up and asks me to dance. I'm sitting there going...I dunno dude. So he starts asking me, trying to plead his case. I make him demonstrate his smooth moves and rhythm (of which he only had a little), and the song ends. He also assumes that Adam, who's standing next to me, is my boyfriend. But he still wants to dance with me anyways. But I say, "No, my boyfriend's kind of jealous." He grins and says, "We'll make sure he isn't jealous." I give him a Look and say, "No, I don't think so. He's like, scary jealous. Border-line violent, like almost going to jail violent." He's STILL undeterred.
Since he's so persistent, so I finally give him a chance...as long as he can convince my three chaperons to agree. So he immediately moves over to Adam to convince him to let us dance. They chat for a few minutes, and finally he moves on to Thibault. Adam comes up to me and in a small voice asks, "Um, what was the right answer?" I naturally start cracking up, because the correct answer is there is no correct answer but to just keep messing with his head.
The next thing I know, Thibault is walking away from the guy saying, "No. I will not!" and trying to catch his breath in between gales of laughter. Allison decides that if she has to be Sophia, I get to be Blanch. So when The Dude gets done with Jon, who doesn't so much answer as say, "You can ask her, but don't be surprised by the answer...", he comes up to me and starts asking to dance with me again. So I relent and tell him I'll dance with him...if he can tell me what my name is. So this starts another round of polling my chaperons, and he comes up with neither my real name, nor my fake name. And he starts apologizing for not remembering my name from...yesterday? Apparently, we met when we were checking in at a hotel, and Sophie was with me and three of my other friends were with us, and we all chatted and introduced ourselves.
At that point, we decided it was time to go to bed. So we left the Polish guy and the tiny persistent dude in the bar to sleep and prepare for our next adventure.
It's just your average night out...UNTIL.
Allison is special. She had guys lining up to talk to her. Literally. When one guy vacates, another is right there to fill in. So after guy number two, this Polish guy starts chatting her up. I see him touching her rather...friendly, and step in to talk to her. The guy starts grabbing her around the waist and sort of goosing her. Not classy (though still mostly innocent). Then his short, really drunk friend shows up. He talks to Allison for a while, who introduces herself as...Allison. Well, you may wonder why I'm making a point of saying that. It's because he starts calling her Sophie/Sophia. No idea where that one came from. But I know that he's just...doing it. For no reason. So when his friend makes it apparent that Allison is his, he moves on to me.
The guy pops up and asks me to dance. I'm sitting there going...I dunno dude. So he starts asking me, trying to plead his case. I make him demonstrate his smooth moves and rhythm (of which he only had a little), and the song ends. He also assumes that Adam, who's standing next to me, is my boyfriend. But he still wants to dance with me anyways. But I say, "No, my boyfriend's kind of jealous." He grins and says, "We'll make sure he isn't jealous." I give him a Look and say, "No, I don't think so. He's like, scary jealous. Border-line violent, like almost going to jail violent." He's STILL undeterred.
Since he's so persistent, so I finally give him a chance...as long as he can convince my three chaperons to agree. So he immediately moves over to Adam to convince him to let us dance. They chat for a few minutes, and finally he moves on to Thibault. Adam comes up to me and in a small voice asks, "Um, what was the right answer?" I naturally start cracking up, because the correct answer is there is no correct answer but to just keep messing with his head.
The next thing I know, Thibault is walking away from the guy saying, "No. I will not!" and trying to catch his breath in between gales of laughter. Allison decides that if she has to be Sophia, I get to be Blanch. So when The Dude gets done with Jon, who doesn't so much answer as say, "You can ask her, but don't be surprised by the answer...", he comes up to me and starts asking to dance with me again. So I relent and tell him I'll dance with him...if he can tell me what my name is. So this starts another round of polling my chaperons, and he comes up with neither my real name, nor my fake name. And he starts apologizing for not remembering my name from...yesterday? Apparently, we met when we were checking in at a hotel, and Sophie was with me and three of my other friends were with us, and we all chatted and introduced ourselves.
At that point, we decided it was time to go to bed. So we left the Polish guy and the tiny persistent dude in the bar to sleep and prepare for our next adventure.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
I Had to Share...
So my mom called me up yesterday asking if she should go see a movie called 'Doomsday.' And I went...Really mom? You think you're going to enjoy a movie called DOOMSDAY? But I went onto IMDb because I've seen ads for this movie and haven't been able to figure out what the hell it's about (other than it's about Doomsday and, obviously, when it's the end of the world we all go Goth Punk because...well, it's way cooler to live in a post apocalyptic world as a Goth than as a human being struggling for survival AND fashion sense.)
Here's what one enlightened viewer had to say about it:
Here's what one enlightened viewer had to say about it:
Full of Action and Blood
This movie was one of my favorite movies of 2008 so far. (We're what, three months into 2008?) This movie reminded me of so many other movies. (That's always a good, original thing) For example: Resident Evil, Stardust, and 28 weeks later. (What the hell is STARDUST doing on that list?) The plot of Doomsday is that a wall is separating the zombies and the non infected people. Except the non infected people are crazy. (Best. Plot. EVER.) The main characters are brave which makes the movie a little more enjoyable. (So...it wasn't a little more enjoyable without your brave heroes? If your heroes were in fact not brave, what would you have done?) There is a big car chase scene in this movie which had some pretty cool deaths. (AWESOME, I'm sold. Yay death hooray death.) Doomsday is more about people that eat other people than zombies eating people. (Um...yummy? Brunch?) They could make a video game out of this movie. (That's how I judge if it's a good movie too.) 10/10 for the good graphics, blood, and action! (MORON.)
Friday, March 14, 2008
End Game. Yo Gano.
The final leg of the Peter v. Alex e-mail chain, because he FAILS AT LIFE.
Since Peter decided to bring Monika the Intern Boss into this, I decided that made her fair game. I tried to get her to send Peter and e-mail with a 'message' from the Association for Bad Taste, Inc. attached, but that was a no go. But what finally happened was just as good. While I was just standing at Peter's desk, Monika came up and told him she was really upset, someone had forged an e-mail and she was on her way to talk to HR. She did it very convincingly, and I just kind of looked like the bemused intern. So this is what happened after:
From: Alex
To: Peter
Yo gano. So there.
FWD MESSAGE-------------------------------------------------
To: alex c
From: Z, Monika
Date: March 12, 2008 2:21:32 PM PDT
Subject: FWD: A request for Help
Alex,
Do you know anything about this?
FWD MESSAGE-------------------------------------------------
To: Monika Z
From: sec@aobti.org
Date: March 11, 2008 1:21:32 PM PDT
Subject: A request for Help
Dear Ms. Z--
Good day, madam. I know you are totally unfamiliar with our organization (begin one of the fortunate people blessed with impeccable good taste), so allow me to inform you about our organization/support group. The Association of Bad Taste, Inc. has as its president the member with the most aggressively bad taste; so you can understand why Peter S was unanimously voted president back in 1999. He's been our most consistent and unchanging President in recent history; people think he's actually become MORE suited for the job as the years progress. So you can understand our concern when he disappeared two days ago, taking our most rancid dead baby poster and our signed copy of Rico Suave's Gerardo. We contacted one of your coworkers, and Alex Creswick, but she seemed to think you might have a better idea of where he is. So if you see him, or have any way of getting in contact with our beloved Prez, please e-mail me as sex@aobti.org . We're quite concerned; rumor is he threw his argyle couch away, which would just be tragic.
(And I apologize for the repeating images of Vanilla Ice in the background; it's President Peter's second favorite after the dead babies.)
Sincerely,
Lemonjello Shithead Tallywacker, the First
Assisting Bad Taste Everywhere (and to that end, Peter S)
[background images removed: error code 00666 have some humanity]
From: Peter
To: Alex
Wow. Well played Crez. The war has begun. Meditate on my next move, I will.
Did you really forward this to Monika? Is that why she thinks someone doctored her email?
From: Peter
To: Alex
Apple emailed me today. At first I thought it was just spam, but soon realized it was personal. Check it out…
From: Danny.Dillenhoe@apple.com
Sent: Thursday, March 13, 2008 2:24 PM
To: S, Peter - Comedy Central
Subject: Consumer Alert!
Dear Mr. S,
Although our records indicate you’re a PC user (and a perfectly happy one at that), we would like your assistance with a frequent and delinquent customer of ours, Alex C. According to our records, C has purchased every new product we’ve put out, regardless of its usefulness or need. For example, she willingly purchased one of our new thin notebooks, even though they don’t do shit and you can’t even put CD’s in them. I mean, really, who would buy a whole computer that you can’t even insert CD’s into? We here at Apple readily admit we enjoy ripping the public off by offering machines sufficient in looks but seriously lacking in substance. However, we don’t ever intend to rip off the mentally handicapped, and how Ms. C managed to gain access to a credit card to buy all of our lame products, we’ll never know.
We would like your help in convincing her that it is not necessary to purchase EVERY single Apple product on the market. We appreciate her enthusiasm and all, but we really can’t keep up with her demands. If you’re able to convince her to chill with the Apple shit all the time, we promise you a free second generation iPhone. (after mail-in rebate)
Thank you for your time. I hear you have a beautiful mind.
Kind regards,
Danny
From: Alex
To: Peter
Weak.
Since Peter decided to bring Monika the Intern Boss into this, I decided that made her fair game. I tried to get her to send Peter and e-mail with a 'message' from the Association for Bad Taste, Inc. attached, but that was a no go. But what finally happened was just as good. While I was just standing at Peter's desk, Monika came up and told him she was really upset, someone had forged an e-mail and she was on her way to talk to HR. She did it very convincingly, and I just kind of looked like the bemused intern. So this is what happened after:
From: Alex
To: Peter
Yo gano. So there.
FWD MESSAGE-------------------------------------------------
To: alex c
From: Z, Monika
Date: March 12, 2008 2:21:32 PM PDT
Subject: FWD: A request for Help
Alex,
Do you know anything about this?
FWD MESSAGE-------------------------------------------------
To: Monika Z
From: sec@aobti.org
Date: March 11, 2008 1:21:32 PM PDT
Subject: A request for Help
Dear Ms. Z--
Good day, madam. I know you are totally unfamiliar with our organization (begin one of the fortunate people blessed with impeccable good taste), so allow me to inform you about our organization/support group. The Association of Bad Taste, Inc. has as its president the member with the most aggressively bad taste; so you can understand why Peter S was unanimously voted president back in 1999. He's been our most consistent and unchanging President in recent history; people think he's actually become MORE suited for the job as the years progress. So you can understand our concern when he disappeared two days ago, taking our most rancid dead baby poster and our signed copy of Rico Suave's Gerardo. We contacted one of your coworkers, and Alex Creswick, but she seemed to think you might have a better idea of where he is. So if you see him, or have any way of getting in contact with our beloved Prez, please e-mail me as sex@aobti.org . We're quite concerned; rumor is he threw his argyle couch away, which would just be tragic.
(And I apologize for the repeating images of Vanilla Ice in the background; it's President Peter's second favorite after the dead babies.)
Sincerely,
Lemonjello Shithead Tallywacker, the First
Assisting Bad Taste Everywhere (and to that end, Peter S)
[background images removed: error code 00666 have some humanity]
From: Peter
To: Alex
Wow. Well played Crez. The war has begun. Meditate on my next move, I will.
Did you really forward this to Monika? Is that why she thinks someone doctored her email?
From: Peter
To: Alex
Apple emailed me today. At first I thought it was just spam, but soon realized it was personal. Check it out…
From: Danny.Dillenhoe@apple.com
Sent: Thursday, March 13, 2008 2:24 PM
To: S, Peter - Comedy Central
Subject: Consumer Alert!
Dear Mr. S,
Although our records indicate you’re a PC user (and a perfectly happy one at that), we would like your assistance with a frequent and delinquent customer of ours, Alex C. According to our records, C has purchased every new product we’ve put out, regardless of its usefulness or need. For example, she willingly purchased one of our new thin notebooks, even though they don’t do shit and you can’t even put CD’s in them. I mean, really, who would buy a whole computer that you can’t even insert CD’s into? We here at Apple readily admit we enjoy ripping the public off by offering machines sufficient in looks but seriously lacking in substance. However, we don’t ever intend to rip off the mentally handicapped, and how Ms. C managed to gain access to a credit card to buy all of our lame products, we’ll never know.
We would like your help in convincing her that it is not necessary to purchase EVERY single Apple product on the market. We appreciate her enthusiasm and all, but we really can’t keep up with her demands. If you’re able to convince her to chill with the Apple shit all the time, we promise you a free second generation iPhone. (after mail-in rebate)
Thank you for your time. I hear you have a beautiful mind.
Kind regards,
Danny
From: Alex
To: Peter
Weak.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Fun with Internships
So there's this Assistant here at CC who I like. A lot. (Note that by like I mean he's awesome and fun to be around. Not the 'let's make BABIES kind of like.) We joke around all the time, and I mock him and he tries to mock me back but his mocking needs serious work. But we've started trading these great e-mails. I've decided to share the last few of them. One thing to note...we have a running argument about the merits of Star Wars: Episode 1-3
From: Alex
To: Peter
Paradoxical things:
Military intelligence
kind of pregnant
naturally artificial
peter's brain
anarchy rules
hasten slowly
good grief
From: Peter
To: Alex
Things that are awesome:
Old & new Star Wars movies
Dallas, Texas
Pete S.
Rocks
Things that are lame:
New Indiana Jones movies
The south
Alex C.
Muppets
From: Alex
To: Peter
The Association of Bad Taste, Inc just sent me an e-mail.
FWD MESSAGE-------------------------------------------------
To: Alex "I Wanna Be Like Her" C.
From: sec@aobti.org
Subject: Searching for our Prez
Hello, as you know we here at the Association of Bad Taste, Inc. has as its president the member with the most aggressively bad taste. Yesterday, the Minister of Plaid Couches reported that our President, Peter S., went missing. There was a rumor that he was beginning to understand how bad Episodes 1-3 were, but we steadfastly refuse to believe that President Peter could ever develop anything approximating 'good taste' or 'discriminating judgment.' We hear you work with him, any updates on his whereabouts? And I apologize for any offense the background of this e-mail may give; I'm told the majority of the people out there think dead babies on spikes aren't funny (but the President Pete LOVES my background, so...).
Word to your Mom,
Lemonjello Shithead Tallywacker, the First
Assisting Bad Taste Everywhere
[background images removed: error code 00805 distasteful]
From: Peter
To: Alex
That’s so crazy, because strangely enough, Monika sent this email to me a little earlier today:
From: Z, Monika
Sent: Monday, March 10, 2008 1:07 PM
To: S, Peter - Comedy Central;
Cc: Sharp, Jim
Subject: The interns
Hey Pete,
So I was wondering if you could give me your assessment of this semester’s interns. I’m always so unsure of how they’ll work out, it’s always good knowing what a bright, intelligent and striking fellow such as yourself thinks. I think I did pretty good hiring Holly and Allison, and the new guy Joe seems to be pretty good, but I admit to striking out with Luke, and ESPECIALLY with that Alex girl. I’m not sure what the hell I was thinking. I tried to fire her, but she threatened to drop a piano on my head, so I quickly told her I was just kidding. I think she bought it, but I still walk around outside paranoid, constantly looking upward. Do you think I should write a company-wide email apologizing for the horrific hire? Let me know, you have such a beautiful mind. Just like Russell Crowe.
Best,
Monika
(Note: Monika is the intern boss)
From: Alex
To: Peter
Paradoxical things:
Military intelligence
kind of pregnant
naturally artificial
peter's brain
anarchy rules
hasten slowly
good grief
From: Peter
To: Alex
Things that are awesome:
Old & new Star Wars movies
Dallas, Texas
Pete S.
Rocks
Things that are lame:
New Indiana Jones movies
The south
Alex C.
Muppets
From: Alex
To: Peter
The Association of Bad Taste, Inc just sent me an e-mail.
FWD MESSAGE-------------------------------------------------
To: Alex "I Wanna Be Like Her" C.
From: sec@aobti.org
Subject: Searching for our Prez
Hello, as you know we here at the Association of Bad Taste, Inc. has as its president the member with the most aggressively bad taste. Yesterday, the Minister of Plaid Couches reported that our President, Peter S., went missing. There was a rumor that he was beginning to understand how bad Episodes 1-3 were, but we steadfastly refuse to believe that President Peter could ever develop anything approximating 'good taste' or 'discriminating judgment.' We hear you work with him, any updates on his whereabouts? And I apologize for any offense the background of this e-mail may give; I'm told the majority of the people out there think dead babies on spikes aren't funny (but the President Pete LOVES my background, so...).
Word to your Mom,
Lemonjello Shithead Tallywacker, the First
Assisting Bad Taste Everywhere
[background images removed: error code 00805 distasteful]
From: Peter
To: Alex
That’s so crazy, because strangely enough, Monika sent this email to me a little earlier today:
From: Z, Monika
Sent: Monday, March 10, 2008 1:07 PM
To: S, Peter - Comedy Central;
Cc: Sharp, Jim
Subject: The interns
Hey Pete,
So I was wondering if you could give me your assessment of this semester’s interns. I’m always so unsure of how they’ll work out, it’s always good knowing what a bright, intelligent and striking fellow such as yourself thinks. I think I did pretty good hiring Holly and Allison, and the new guy Joe seems to be pretty good, but I admit to striking out with Luke, and ESPECIALLY with that Alex girl. I’m not sure what the hell I was thinking. I tried to fire her, but she threatened to drop a piano on my head, so I quickly told her I was just kidding. I think she bought it, but I still walk around outside paranoid, constantly looking upward. Do you think I should write a company-wide email apologizing for the horrific hire? Let me know, you have such a beautiful mind. Just like Russell Crowe.
Best,
Monika
(Note: Monika is the intern boss)
Thursday, February 28, 2008
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