Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Rain, Rain, Stay and Play!

It's been raining in LA for two days now, which is the Los Angeles equivalent of a hurricane. Or the threat of ice in South Carolina. People go out and buy bread and milk, the smart ones also buy batteries, and people try not to leave their houses.

It's also and excuse for people to forget how to drive.

"It wasn't my fault, I slipped on the ice!"
"Sir, there is no ice."

I try not to drive when it rains if at all possible. Not just so I can maximize on the lazy feeling of an overcast day and revel in the sound of rain hitting the roof. It's because someone tries to murder me with their car no less than three times per drive. I am not exaggerating.

Driving in LA is a chore. It's going to take you about 4 times as long to get to where you're going as it would in a sensible place. For example:
According to Google Maps, my place of work is 5.8 miles from my doorstep.

It should take me about 15 minutes, with lights, to get to work.

It takes about half an hour.

So I've devised a series of games to pass the time. One is called Car Points. When you start your trip, you identify the car next to you by some distinguishing feature: a pro-Bush sticker, an obnoxious license plate, it's two different cars soldered into one. That is your ZERO CAR. Now for every car that crawls past you, mocking the fact that you chose the wrong lane, again, you get minus a point. For every car you pass, you gain a point. (Busses are two points, one for each half that you pass.)

You can also award yourself points for Passing a Jackass, Keeping a Jackass Behind You, and variations there of. I also like to award myself points for Not Killing the Idiot on a Motorcycle and Spotting the Bicyclist Before S/He Dies.

The 'Rainy Day' driving game? Count the number of cars that don't have their lights on because it's "daylight hours." Yeah, I can't count that high either.


Anonymous said...

The one time I drove when it was a little icy in SC, I was driving the mile from school to my house. Got rear ended.

Drivers in LA are like on crack when it rains. They drive really fast, don't turn on their lights, and make just retarded driving decisions. Which is actually how they usually drive.

Life would be better if people honking didn't give me panic attacks O_o

Rachel said...

Sounds like driving in Nashville. It was cold this morning, so even though it was bright and sunny outside, it took me 25 minutes to go the 2 miles from my apartment to Vandy. As we all know, ice can form when it's 40 degrees outside and there is no moisture. So we better go half the speed limit, just in case. And we should change lanes at will without signals and without having checked to see if anyone else is occupying the other lane. And we should suddenly and inexplicably stop in the middle of the road because we are lost and can't go on until we know exaxtly where we are and where we're going.