Friday, March 14, 2008

End Game. Yo Gano.

The final leg of the Peter v. Alex e-mail chain, because he FAILS AT LIFE.

Since Peter decided to bring Monika the Intern Boss into this, I decided that made her fair game. I tried to get her to send Peter and e-mail with a 'message' from the Association for Bad Taste, Inc. attached, but that was a no go. But what finally happened was just as good. While I was just standing at Peter's desk, Monika came up and told him she was really upset, someone had forged an e-mail and she was on her way to talk to HR. She did it very convincingly, and I just kind of looked like the bemused intern. So this is what happened after:

From: Alex
To: Peter

Yo gano. So there.

FWD MESSAGE-------------------------------------------------

To: alex c
From: Z, Monika
Date: March 12, 2008 2:21:32 PM PDT
Subject: FWD: A request for Help

Do you know anything about this?

FWD MESSAGE-------------------------------------------------

To: Monika Z
Date: March 11, 2008 1:21:32 PM PDT
Subject: A request for Help

Dear Ms. Z--

Good day, madam. I know you are totally unfamiliar with our organization (begin one of the fortunate people blessed with impeccable good taste), so allow me to inform you about our organization/support group. The Association of Bad Taste, Inc. has as its president the member with the most aggressively bad taste; so you can understand why Peter S was unanimously voted president back in 1999. He's been our most consistent and unchanging President in recent history; people think he's actually become MORE suited for the job as the years progress. So you can understand our concern when he disappeared two days ago, taking our most rancid dead baby poster and our signed copy of Rico Suave's Gerardo. We contacted one of your coworkers, and Alex Creswick, but she seemed to think you might have a better idea of where he is. So if you see him, or have any way of getting in contact with our beloved Prez, please e-mail me as . We're quite concerned; rumor is he threw his argyle couch away, which would just be tragic.

(And I apologize for the repeating images of Vanilla Ice in the background; it's President Peter's second favorite after the dead babies.)


Lemonjello Shithead Tallywacker, the First
Assisting Bad Taste Everywhere (and to that end, Peter S)

[background images removed: error code 00666 have some humanity]

From: Peter
To: Alex

Wow. Well played Crez. The war has begun. Meditate on my next move, I will.

Did you really forward this to Monika? Is that why she thinks someone doctored her email?

From: Peter
To: Alex

Apple emailed me today. At first I thought it was just spam, but soon realized it was personal. Check it out…

Sent: Thursday, March 13, 2008 2:24 PM

To: S, Peter - Comedy Central
Subject: Consumer Alert!

Dear Mr. S,

Although our records indicate you’re a PC user (and a perfectly happy one at that), we would like your assistance with a frequent and delinquent customer of ours, Alex C. According to our records, C has purchased every new product we’ve put out, regardless of its usefulness or need. For example, she willingly purchased one of our new thin notebooks, even though they don’t do shit and you can’t even put CD’s in them. I mean, really, who would buy a whole computer that you can’t even insert CD’s into? We here at Apple readily admit we enjoy ripping the public off by offering machines sufficient in looks but seriously lacking in substance. However, we don’t ever intend to rip off the mentally handicapped, and how Ms. C managed to gain access to a credit card to buy all of our lame products, we’ll never know.

We would like your help in convincing her that it is not necessary to purchase EVERY single Apple product on the market. We appreciate her enthusiasm and all, but we really can’t keep up with her demands. If you’re able to convince her to chill with the Apple shit all the time, we promise you a free second generation iPhone. (after mail-in rebate)

Thank you for your time. I hear you have a beautiful mind.

Kind regards,


From: Alex
To: Peter


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